she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
