i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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