life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
whose parrot is this?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
