I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
