Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
