Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
