Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
