HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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