Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
