a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
