I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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