What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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