wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
