She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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