"it" just moved
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
