i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
