I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
