i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I didn't notice because vodka
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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