We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
