hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Randomize
