oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
