God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
