what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
