Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
