I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
