I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Randomize
