if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
