I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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