I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
