Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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