And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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