All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
