Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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