I CAN MOONWALK!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
