The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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