i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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