Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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