my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
