he thought i was a dude.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I want her autograph on my taint
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
