The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
