I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
