So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
