it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
