So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
