So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
