Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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