I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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