Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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