I accidentally burped into my bong.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
