i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
