Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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